I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
