Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
