she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
