My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
