Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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