My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
