that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
this is an emotional support booty call
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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