It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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