12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
