my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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