Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
