Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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