dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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