wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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