11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i drank out of a bidet.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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