he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
