I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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