I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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