Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
