i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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