I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
