remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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