Your mouth is God's brothel.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my being single is dangerous.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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