This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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