You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
