somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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