all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
