The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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