Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
