Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
