She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
