Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
