i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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