This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
