I'm so fucking centered right now
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
