next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
