I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
