Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
