why didn't you poke me back
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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