Did you just see the Batmobile???
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
