I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
