did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My bed smells like the plague
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
