i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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