these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
