They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
