sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
