There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it's like iHOP with fire
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
