How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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