I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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