I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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