Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
