You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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