This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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