Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
