Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
