I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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