chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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