I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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