I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
