2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
