Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
