Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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