woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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