i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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