Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
