I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
