Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
