Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
