my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
