Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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