one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
