So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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