When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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