Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
