now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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