Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
