Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
