where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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