You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
